The Worst Day Everrr...

It must be something huge...this thing that has brought me out of blogging retirement. We've all had mommy moments we're not so proud of...but I may have really scarred him this time. Upon retrieving my child from school today, I unloaded the backpack-business as usual.  Take-home folder: check.  Lunch box: check. Daily art: check.  Oh but wait...it's not the normal daily art. See below.

If you can't see it, let me spell it out for you.  "I loev Mommy Caroline". What?!?!? You love who?!?!?! This was a little something like the actual response to a 6 year old...which is why...deep sigh....the paper in question appears to be crumbled. The poor little guy went to trash his beautiful art because this crazy lady had a minor heart attack. Seriously, Mommy...come on. Apparently Natalie told him to do it...so we're here already. It's no longer cool to love your Mommy in Kindergarten.

So....of course, I'm totally over thinking this as would be expected.  Thinking girlfriends...teen years...somebody please stop me. I sincerely hope this child becomes less attractive by then. I already know what his future GF looks like...and I already don't like her. Good Luck Caroline...or whoever you are ;)

And Ryan, my sweet baby boy, no matter what....I will always love you first and never cross your name out.  Even when you want me to, even when I am the most annoying, overreacting person on the planet...I will still be doing all of that out of this crazy love. xoxoxoxo

He's Baaa-aaack!

Some will remember the glowing blog from the beginning of Kindergarten...just a couple of months ago...regarding little Ryan and how he was surprising me with his maturity each day?!? Well....these days I'm wishing we had hidden cameras in our house documenting the morning "routine", which now consists of daily fits reminiscent of the 2-3 year old age. (I say hidden because I can no longer document these "funny" moments on video as he is aware that I am doing so and will either 1. think that I think that this is funny or 2. become even more "irritated" and that's putting it mildly!) 

+ 4 years

Really, People?

It's been a while!! Not that I haven't had plenty to write about...guess it's been more about the plenty of time, or lack thereof.  Life has been as eventful as ever, that's for sure...

I'm prompted today to write because I've received some flak for taking my 5 year old baby boy for a pedicure. You know who you are, those people voicing opinions. I honestly don't see what the big deal is...my mom and I were going, he wanted to come along. He didn't get his toes painted...and he's very manly. Besides, men DO get pedicures and I'm fairly certain that the women behind those men thoroughly appreciate the fact that they don't have yucky, rough feet.  I didn't give this miniature spa treatment a second thought...until the second "comment" rolled in. Now I'm thinking...

I'm thinking that you people are weird and uptight. I'm thinking that I don't judge you, so you shouldn't judge me. I'm thinking that there are so many more important things to worry about in this world than me taking my tiny guy for a pedi on a beautiful Friday afternoon.  It's called quality time...and if he enjoys it and wants to spend time with me doing it, then who cares!! Just for the record, he spent the rest of his weekend doing tricks on his bike, ripping scabs open, playing sports & throwing elbows in his soccer game, talking about how hot beautiful his friend Matthew's sister is and going on roller coasters in the dark.  I'm pretty sure I haven't feminized him too much...I'd say he's pretty well rounded.

Really, people?!?

That Person...

Yes, we did need to take our shirt off after the game....

Have you ever met that person...that one who doesn't have to try at things & winds up being great?  I think I have one of those people in my house. He is 5, his name is Ryan.  The child has been throwing things across the room like a quarterback since before he could walk.  It's a regular occurrence for cars to STOP as we're playing outside to comment on whatever it is that he's doing athletically.  Nothing new though, he's been getting stopped at the grocery store and everywhere else since birth for comments about how "beautiful" he is...I wasn't sure how to take that in the beginning, being that he's a boy. Beautiful?

Anyway, I don't mean to be "that mom"...the one who brags, honestly not the point of this blog. As I was sitting at his first soccer game this weekend, I was thinking about how totally unenthused he is about soccer. I was waiting for him to start walking around the field and to stop caring about how he was supposed to be going after the ball.  Believe me, soccer is really not his cup of tea.  So, I wasn't surprised when he wasn't especially aggressive about getting that ball.  The game was as all Kindergarten soccer games are...pretty boring. Herd ball anyone?  But then it happened: the ball happened to come across his feet and....well, he took that sucker down the field and fired it into the goal. Just like that....the spark was lit.  He was officially excited and went on to score two more goals, followed by "chestbumps" with his fellow Kindergarten teammates...seriously, who is this kid?
So my thinking continued, I swear I'll get to the point soon.  Soccer is something he doesn't necessarily love yet it looks like this will be the second year where he has some true natural talent.  I see this in many other areas of little Ryan's life as well...for example, I think he can read things. Not just the signs of places we regularly go to but other things too.  We were renting a movie at the Redbox the other night and he read a title of a grown-up movie...maybe you've seen it? "Kick A$$"....this was not one of my especially proud moments but seriously, he was reading? We need to focus on the good, people! In all seriousness though, it's hard to be that person, that person where things just fall into your lap. That person who doesn't have to work super hard for things...why you might ask?  Because....that WILL come to an end at some point.  Does anyone really live their entire life like that?

I only hope I have it in me to help him through that point...when he actually has to TRY.  Lord knows all he has to do is flash that smile or wrap his arms around me...and I'm a goner.

Note to self: I should probably start closing my eyes when disciplining. Way more effective.

Vocabulary Lessons

As a mom you are always wondering if you're doing the right thing; the best thing for yourself vs. the best thing for your child...this internal battle is evident in the big things and the "small things".

Case in point: from the time children learn to speak, they mispronounce things, they get their words mixed up etc. This is not only normal, it's adorable. For example, the twins wished everyone "Merry Mismas" and Ry affectionately called out "goo-goo" every time he saw a train. . As they have grown older, these little imperfections have for the most part been ironed out...which is again normal, but in my selfishness, it's SAD. So I'm wondering as I do about everything, if I'm doing the right thing by smiling when they do occur and not exactly rushing to correct. When Jackson or Jacob says "I'm thirsty of FILL IN THE BLANK".  I do not teach them the proper way to tell me they would like some apple juice. When Ry wakes up and asks me "Is I'm going to school today?", I just snuggle a little longer...

Does this make me a bad mom? I'm pretty sure it doesn't...but again, that internal conflict is going on...best for me, yes. Best for them, ??? I'm thinking they will unfortunately grow out of this too, Lord knows that's happening all too fast. Is it bad that I relish in these moments still?

I promise I correct the really imperfect vocab issues...case in point again: Sidewalk chalk this weekend, lots of fun. Jackson wrote A-S-S and asked me what that spells with a huge grin on his face....Daddy gave a look that could kill with no words needed at all and Jackson proceeded to chalk over his word. Ok, so I guess I technically didn't correct that imperfection...but the job got done. That's what matters, right? I can sit back, relax and enjoy the rest...

I love you my precious boys!!

Cherished

I've dropped Ry off at Kindergarten exactly 11 times now; I escaped the first day without crying. Well, technically not crying...i.e. I was able to keep the tears in the eyes at all times. Today however, I cried. Why?

Well, it's very simple...today he gave me the normal kiss and hug from inside the car, hopped out & began walking into school. Today, he stopped before going in, turned around....and blew me a kiss. This is so sweet, right? No need for crying?

Within 2 seconds of this adorable gesture, I realized something...he is so very close to NOT wanting to show love for his Mommy in public, to being embarrassed to hug or kiss me goodbye. He is so very close to caring about what his friends would think if they saw him doing that...we're right there & it's so scary.

Today has renewed my love for playing...whatever he wants. Who cares if my legs get disgustingly bruised playing indoor football, or if I don't really like being the Lakers on our Little Tykes basketball hoop. Who cares if it's becoming increasingly difficult to carry him or if we both look a little silly when I do. Dinner can wait, heck we can have cereal for dinner and everything else can wait a little while too. Today it has come to my attention that he is only going to say "Mommy, hold me" or "Mommy, play with me" or "Mommy, lay with me" for so long...and then he'll be gone...honestly, it seems like he was that baby in these pictures just yesterday. Literally.

Cherished, my precious baby. Can I please go pick him up from school now??

Balance.

I do things sometimes...and I giggle to myself because I know that I am SO WEIRD. This knowledge of my weirdness does not in any way prevent me from doing these things though, I like the way I am. So...I'm now wondering, am I really weird or are there others in the world who share my "uniqueness"?

I'm sure a lot of people like to make lists and cross the items off on the list...that's not so weird, right? Oh but I...need to cross the list off with a marker. Crossing off with a pen doesn't feel as good, doesn't feel like I've accomplished as much. Insert balance here: lists/being organized=good. Liking to cross off the list=OK. Needing to do it with a marker=crossing the line.

Lines, this is a BIG one...lines in the carpet, lines in the grass...it doesn't seem to matter what kind of lines I'm making...I LOVE them all!!! I'm pretty sure a good number of people are making fun of me right now & that's fine. Laugh all you want, my husband does. But secretly...he likes that I'm the way I am. He enjoys his tidy house and yard so he grins and gives a little eye roll every once in a while. Now...I'm sure that if I every begin to yell at my family for walking on my vaccuum or lawn mowing lines, this will cross that line, that balance. In the meantime, know that if you come to my house and walk on my lines-carpet or grass, I'm privately cringing inside (I'm not mad at you though!). Please also know that as soon as you leave, I'll vaccuum again. I could honestly go a little deeper into the lines...but I won't because we don't even need to review this one...I have officially crossed the line and don't want to totally freak you out. (Still not stopping though, FYI)

Cleaning...obviously I'm a clean person. That's not a problem...no line crossed there. But...is it weird that I ALWAYS clean from the back of the house to the front? That it would just be insane to start cleaning downstairs instead of up? That the kitchen is ALWAYS the last room to be cleaned? Again, the balance thing here...cleaning=good, order of cleaning=questionable.

I'm a very simple person, I like to work on things, I like to improve upon things...but I like to keep it really easy. The conclusion I have come to is this: to have the most successful, happiest life you can have, you must have balance. Every minute, every thing, must be balanced...too much of anything is not good. Who would've thought that you could sum it all up with one word.

Balance.

PS: Thanks, Mom
PSS: Someday Ryan will blog a thanks to me too.

OOPS.
Family history of OCD: Check.